| 27 Things A Dog Must Remember 1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff even though I haven't gotten the chance to rip the bag to shreds to see what was in it. 2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. 3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge. 4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before I enter the house. 5. I will not eat the cat's food, before or after they eat it. 6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up or have an accident. 7. I will not throw up in the car. 8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. 9. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal dung. 10. "Kitty box crunchies" are not food! 11. I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard or house depending on which end processes it first. 12. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. 13. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet. 14. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell him. 15. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorraging. 16. I will not take whatever I please and hide it under the bed so my people can have a scavenger hunt looking for it. 17. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside. 18. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV. 19. I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it. 20. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps. 21. My head does not belong in the refrigerator. 22. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration. 23. I will not stand around Mom when she is cooking or when she is carrying her coffee, so she won't trip over me. 24. I will not beg for food at the supper table, and especially not eat someone's food if they leave it for just a moment. 25. I will not tear up the patio furniture, or put holes in the screen so I may jump in and lounge, just because I don't want to stay outside for more than two minutes. 26. I will not chase the cat and knock over breakable things in the process. 27. I will allow Mom and Dad some room and covers when we go to bed |